i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
