im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She told me I should be a condom model.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize