he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
