I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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