It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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