my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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