his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
