i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
