She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
