I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
