she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
