Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
