what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
