When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
