how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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