he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
