i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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