Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
