Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
