I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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