so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
