my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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