I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
