im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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