I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
