why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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