Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
