We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
