My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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