Ambien. No doubt about it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
MIDGETS
????
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
