I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
