i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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