Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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