I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
