Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
