i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
