My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
