she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
