You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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