bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize