I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
