I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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