So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
