I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
