Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize