Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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