what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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