i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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