Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
