i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
