I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
sarcasm needs its own font
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
