and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
