Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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