If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
