so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just puked most of my soul out..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
