i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
