i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
