I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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