Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
