Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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