Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?

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(530): View more from California

There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.

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(248): View more from Michigan

like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.

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(210): View more from Texas

I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.

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(914): View more from New York

I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow

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(269): View more from Michigan

Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.

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