If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
