don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
