I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
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bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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