I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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