My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm always down for nudity.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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