I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
