Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Damn victory sex feels great
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
