just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
