So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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