WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
