hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
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I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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