Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
