Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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